The 30×30 should be trademarked to friend of friend now just friend Rob Roan. The concept is straightforward: I’ve made a list of 30 experiences I want to have before I turn 30. It’s a list designed to a) embarrass myself; b) challenge myself physically; and c) unlazify (definition: to make unlazy) myself.
For two years I’ve been running in a circle, an evil holding pattern of WAITING FOR THINGS TO CHANGE. I will turn 30 in less than eight months, and this…this is not where I thought I’d be. I should be moving along a specific path: I should have babies, I should have a successful career (or have “a” career), I should have a solid group of go-to friends. I should be better traveled. I should be more comfortable in New York. I should a lot of things. Instead I am floundering for a sense of self, purpose, joy, fulfillment.
So at this crossroads of decade-dom, I’m trying to control what I can control, and leave the rest to the universe to sort out. All I can control is my fear of – basically everything that is new or different or untried or unfamiliar or makes me vulnerable to pain or humiliation or heartbreak or disappointment. I CAN do things I never thought I’d do. Anything is, in fact, possible. I can grow. Change. Accomplish.
That’s right. I’m going Oprah on my own ass.
Circles are symbols of wholeness, perfection, unity. The completeness of a circle resonates with me. Unfortunately, running in circles is frustrating, tedious, futile. Also, it’s safe and predictable, which is partly why I’m stuck. But I think there are ramps – you know, like at the Guggenheim – so we can spiral up to the next circle and drive ourselves crazy anew. The ramps are self-awareness, new perspective, change. And that’s what I’m trying to achieve. I just want to see what’s happening on the floor above me.
Accomplishing the items on this list will not necessarily change me. But it will keep me hopeful that I can change. This year I will test my own boundaries, face my own shortcomings, be really imperfect and okay with that because at least I’m trying. I’m not waiting anymore. Your life may be moving in the direction you want it. Mine needs a jumpstart. And I’m the only one who can do that.
Now I can look Seneca in the eye when he yells, “Begin at once to live!” Check. I’m beginning. I’m adding action verbs to my life.
What’s that, Socrates? “The unexamined life is not worth living.” I’m examining, I’m poking, I’m prodding, I’m ootching – I’m blogging!
Sometimes you have to let go of the should’s and deal with the are’s. You gotta figure out which should’s are worth fighting for and when you should just embrace the is’s. And if what you should be doing is living rather than waiting for life to start, than you should make it happen for yourself.
Yes, yes. I know. Kill yourself, Dr. Phil.
I give you: my blog. #21 on my 30×30, where I will document these activities, as well as share other random DEEP PHILOSOPHICAL THOUGHTS. Or fluff and nonsense. Hope it changes your life the way “New Slang” changed Zach Braff’s in Garden State. Or, you know, at least keeps you mildly entertained for five minutes.